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poems

Poems I wrote..

Alone I am-

Everyday is suicide, I have nothing left, not even pride,
It gets harder and harder to sleep at night,
My throat is choking, my lungs are tight,
I might just die if you go out of sight,
You are everything, and everything you will remain,
Even when the gun is pulled to my brain.

Morning-

Another morning?
Already?
What happened last night?
Shit.
I'm not at home.
But wait.
I'm not at my friend's either.
What happened last night?
My stomach hurts,
But I didn't drink.
Where's MY clothes?
And what's this thing?
Oh fuck.
I know where I am.
And I know why I'm here.
I never should have
Worn that shirt.
He did what
I told him not to.
My stomach!
Oh the pain!
I feel like
I'm going to die.
He put something in my drink.
He made me drowsy.
I fell asleep.
That asshole.
He took my love away.
Something I was saving
For another day.
And all because of the message I sent.

All The Time-

I will never be able

to describe

the wonder and the overwhelming

warmth and feeling

of connection that I

gained with you as I lay

there naked beside you in your

strong arms,

never would words do it justice,

but I feel like I have to try,

or else that perfect moment will fade

like so many photographs in my memory,

that the realness of it will

turn into some kind of a dream,

that the feeling of not knowing

where I ended

and you began

will be floated into some kind

of mist into a place

where the depth of the waters

murky-up the clarity of the memory

you try so hard not to lose

sight of.

Your face that morning I

see every time I close my eyes.

Your soft, even breathing,

eyes closed, lips so gently parted,

innocent, almost pouting,

your insecurity coming to the surface,

angel-faced, blue haired boy.

And I wrapped myself around you,

half to keep you from slipping away,

half to pull you as close to me

as possible without becoming two

in one being.

(( To Spencer ^ , I love you ))


HOLDING-

I hold in my hand

The life of us all

The beauty unfolding

Beneath a broken sky

I hold in my hand

Dreams cut 2 pieces

Clutching them 2 me

Beneath a broken sky

I hold in my hand

Lost children crying tears of blood

For estranged mothers

Beneath a broken sky

I hold in my hand

What I am what ill be

what ive dreamed of beauty

what ive lost in hope

beneath a broken sky

word1.gif

RazorBlade Ballad
peaceful rest
far away
lie in bed
curse the day
razorblade
to my skin
leak out pain
from within
find my flesh
let it dance
stop this now!
lost my chance
back and forth
greacefully
razorblade
curing me
sorrows flow
streams of red
happy now?
find my bed
warm and soft
here i stay
mind is blank
drift away
sleep for hours
sleep all day
razorblade
only way
arm is marked
from my friend
calls to me
can't defend
every night
every tear
razor blade
always here

----------------------------------------------------

s-a-f-t-e-y-p-i-nscars

all chopped up
with saftey pin scars
bleeding and cut
hiding under sliced bars
addicted to pain
cuz its setting me free
going insane
pushing blades into me

my mind is crying
as the days drip by
and my hearts dying
so i let out a *sigh*

waiting all day
to just be home alone
wanting to say
"just leave me on my own"

when im tucked in
i pull out my bestfriend
a small saftey pin
with a sharp little end it kisses my skin
and leaves little red lines
as i push deeper in
i start to feel fine the pain seeps away
as the blood freely bends
i cry as i may
im better at the end

--------------------------------------------------
 
 
silent knife slides in between
The 7th and 8th vertabrae
An arbitrary postion in the mind
Of the twisted piercist
A silly thought idealized to mean
What a poignant word could never say
The wrath of this treachery undefined
Betrayal begins the tempest
A connate and sickening mentality of sadism,
Quantitative of a pleached and paltry intellect.
Harmonious discord without formal schism,
Forever probing for unfortunate arrows to inflect.
 
-------------------------------------------------

.f.r.e.a.k.
You point and laugh at the clothes I wear
And you call me a freak cuz I have blue hair
I try to explain but you just don't see
The problem lies with in you, not me
Your living your life the way magizines say to
Don't have your own mind, just do what they do
Your just another victim of the killer they call fashion
Trying to be cooler than the losers that your trashin
You've got all the best clothes and your hair done up tight
Looking through the Abercrombie catalog for Mr. Right
Theres a million guys who would treat you like a queen
But you write them off because their not part of your scene
------------------------------------------------------------

Loving Death
Stop it,
DAMNIT!
I dont need your lies.
This agony,
I cant stand it.
Your worthless,
SO worthless.
Its time to say good-bye.
I pick up the blade,
pull my skin taught.
Cut the flesh,
its making me happier than I once thought.
Darkness surrounds me.
Im wadding through a puddle of blood.
my souls been set free,
oh thank you the one I love.
 
------------------------------------------


Ugly
Im ugly on the outside
you know, cuz you can see
but deep within me, inside
no one can see but me
Im ugly on the outside
as i've been told before
at first i didnt listen
gradualy i listen more
Im ugly on the outside
as anyone would know
so people think im ugly
because the outside is what shows
Im ugly on the outside
people act like they dont care
because they think they see whats inside
they think they see whats there
Im ugly on the inside
where the people can not see
Im ugly on the inside
cause on the inside im still me

 

open youre fucking eyes..
see what lies..
all the dead bodys under neath you,
cant you fucking see...
OPEN YOURE EYES..youre liveing a lie..
arn't you tired of it?
..fake smiles..
..prefect people..
..tired of this life..
..TIRED OF BREATHING..
OPEN YOURE EYES..see all the lies..
crying bloody tears at night.
bored of scares on youre wrists..
this is not a perfect world..
were all in hell.
SO OPEN YOURE FUCKING EYES.
youve been lied too..

 
 I woke early this morning
 The earth lay cood and still
 When suddenly a tiny bird 
 Perched on my windowsill
                
 He sang a song so lovely
 So carefree and so gay
 That slowly all my troubles
 Began to slip away
 He sang of a far off place
Of laughter and of fun
 It seemed his very trilling
 Brought up the morning sun
  I stirred beneath the covers
  Crept slowly out of bed
 Then gently shut the window
 And crushed his fucking head


Screaming in Pain
I cant seem to breathe
Shaking from within
I stole a part of myself
Drowning in the blood of sin
Shouldnt have to cry
This lifes barely begun
Yet i beat myself
From him i run
Into nothing i fall
Sorrows caught up to me
It ties me down
Cant ever seem to flee
Staring at my blood
As i bite my lip
I love to feel the needle
As it carves into my hip
I cant speak my pain
So i write instead
Youll never know how much
I wish that i were dead
Deppression is the figure of myself
This is how ill be
I live for you
And die for me
A knife in my hand
Tears in my eyes
So this is what its like
For all the suicides
This hell is my greif
Ive gone insane
All thats left are echos
The screaming of my pain....

The filth of your words
Fill the holes in my veins
I try to dream sunlight
Your picture remains.
The drone of your lost voice
Resounds through my head
But you cannot kill me
Im already dead.
And demons&spiders
Treat walls like glass doors
The milk of my youth
Collects shapes on the floor.
The dance of the serpent
Ill move to instead
But you cannot hurt me
Im already dead.
I whispered your name
As I fell to the earth
I cursed you in envy
As corpses curse birth.
Its too late to say
The things I should have said
Youll nevermore hurt me
Im already dead.
Reshape my dreams
And draw rape in my soul
Mold your sweet form
To the shape of my holes.
Deny you once loved me
And lay her to bed
Its too late to kill me
Im already dead

HELP ME

when your parents find out

your killing yourself

they go nuts

they dont know what to do

but make matters worse

you cant run from it

nor hide

you cant cry

you just want to leave

or walk a little

but im straped down now

to my own fucking bed

there looking at my body

seeing all the red

sending me away

is what they all said

pulling my fucking hair

and me fighting back

couldnt they have just listened to me instead?

DEATH DO ME PART

I Feel like shit i might die tonight

i cant live here another night

dont feel sorry 4 if i leave

dont cave into 2 tears of pain

I needed 2 cry alone

stand out in the rain

dont you fucking die now

im bleeding on the floor

of shit i hated even more

just sitting & sitting there

getting the courage to look up

at the sky

I never really hoped 2 die

but im bleeding here

just crying out

im not fucked

im not upset

im numb 2 this world

which i care less about

but somethings i wish i didnt let go of

somethings just hold me down

things i might be tired of